Jim Palmer

Jim February 24th, 2012

I opened my front door this morning, and was a little rattled to see her standing right there waiting for me. She said nothing and only stared – not a casual glance but a gaze that reached down into my soul. There she was, Life. I dropped my hands to my side and gave myself over to her eyes. A wave of deep emotion swept through me. Something in me wanted to send her away for all the heartache and suffering she had brought my way. There were times when I felt she had abandoned me all together when I went looking for her and could not find her.

But then I saw that her eyes had become gentle and loving, telling me that she had never meant any harm, only loved me, and had been there by my side all along. I wanted to trust her but I was fearful. Could I? Could I trust her – trust her after so much heartache over all these years? Suddenly, this big beaming smile slowly filled her face. It was like she knew something I didn’t know, like she was not worried at all about me and knew that everything was exactly as it should be. In her eyes and smile, I saw hope and felt in that moment as if everything was truly and mysteriously okay and would be okay. There was no objective rationale for it, I was just a deep feeling I had.

She lifted her arm with her palm facing towards me. I looked at her palm for a moment. She was inviting me into a choice I knew I had to make. It wasn’t an easy choice, it would be risky and there were plenty of unknowns. But in that moment, I saw her eyes and smile, felt her heart and spirit…and I raised my hand to. Slowly I placed my palm against hers. I closed my eyes and a smile was born across my face. Palm to palm with her, I strangely felt like something had become a little more whole inside of me. So we just stood there a while palm to palm, and I felt that wholeness in me…it was a peace and joy all mixed together. When i opened my eyes back up she was gone. Life was no longer on the outside looking at me, she was running pure and free inside my soul.

(photo by Darla)

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