you can’t get there from here (or can you)
Jim October 20th, 2008
one of the main reasons as a writer why i simply stick to telling my story is because i realize every person’s journey is different, and to extract from my experience a set of principles and guidelines for others to follow seems insane. seriously, i sometimes wonder if there’s one other person in this world who got to where i am from where i was.
here’s one example…
for all practical purposes, i became an atheist as it relates to the “God” that i had created in my mind (more or less a “Christian” sky-god to fear and appease) and worshiped for many years. there was this period when my foundational understandings of God had collapsed and there wasn’t any new understandings yet to plug into its place, which meant, for me, there was no God at all. eventually, new understandings came but even to this day i often wonder as i am conversing with others about “God” if we are talking about the same reality. so, it was more than just “shedding religion,” it was a matter of shedding God or shedding my faulty framework of God.
this still makes it difficult when trying to answer the simplest questions:
Jim, do you pray? yes, but probably not in the way you think of prayer.
Jim, do you believe in the Bible? yes, but probably not in the way you understand or interpret the Bible.
Jim, is Jesus the way, and do you still believe in the gospel? yes, but probably not how you understand Jesus as the way or the meaning of the gospel.
there was a time when i began feeling like i was perhaps creating a new Christianity that wasn’t really Christian at all. but after getting out a bit beyond my brand of Christianity and digging around in church history i was surprised to discover i had not come up with anything new, and that others, including some of the very first Jesus people, had understood these things in similar ways.
and yet, i’m not sure this matters too much. i don’t feel the need to cling to the label “Christian,” and i am okay with people who don’t think i am one. chances are i’m not in terms of their definition. the fact that others in the past and present hold views similar as mine was helpful for a season when i was sometimes concerned i might be going off the deep end. the risk, however, in placing too much weight on this is that you become dependent again on others outside yourself for determining truth. the ego is famous for wanting to gather evidence to claim it is right and find security in it’s new and progressive understandings about God. i’m not saying that we don’t help each other along in knowing and being truth but i find that fewer people apply themsleves in being aware and turning toward and following the presence of truth, wisdom, peace, love, freedom, contentment that is within them and is them. people tend to ascribe more validity when experiencing the ‘real’ in others then when we experience it within oursleves. many people feel a sense of lack, insufficiency, and inadequacy about themselves.
the record of Jesus’ life depicts Jesus as someone who knew the truth of who he was, and lived it confidently. he parted with his religious tradition when necessary. he had no need to be somebody special in the eyes of the world. he often did not live up to other people’s expectations and desires. he did not need others to confirm or validate him.
what if we lived with that same confidence? why don’t we?
(photo by zoo gal)
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- Comments(6)
I fully identify with what you are saying. I have questioned the title of Christian as it applies to me many times. I have also come to the conclusion that much of what I “worry” about, concerning who I really am, is ego-centric. I continually have to remind myself of what is important and what isn’t. I long for the day when I, like Jesus, can confidently know fully who I am and live that confidently.
“for all practical purposes, i became an atheist as it relates to the “God” that i had created in my mind”
Me too. Jim, I can’t believe you wrote this post today. I can’t believe I opened your blog to find it here waiting for me. I know its not only for me, but its definitely what I needed to hear today. I had a killer experience this morning at work as an older guy who’s been a Christian for 58 years shared with us. It was one of those knife in the chest moments when you KNOW you can’t deny what you don’t want to hear. I have no clue if any of this makes sense but I do believe in God. He uses you and a few others so often and so powerfully in my life. In a way it pisses me off…not sure why. But I do love you and am so appreciative that you share your journey. It sure has helped me on mine. Oi vay!
I am reading your posts and your two past books with great interest.
I have not been able to get thru on your e-mail “contact me”. is there
another way????? I have a question after reading your two books and
a another comment. Your books, along with Wayne Jabobsen, Brian
Mclaren and William Young are pointing me to freedom and to Jesus.
How may I contact you???? (the website “contact me” states 2006 and
isnt’ getting thru, so tought I’d try this. : )
vicki
I’ve gone through a very similar experience. My understanding of Christianity, church, the bible and God have undergone radical revisions. But the truth is that I was forcing myself to believe things in order to be who I thought God wanted me to be. In my core being, I was not that person, but in order to be “saved”, to be accepted in the IC, to be “orthodox” etc. I had to be someone I was not. If God created me, I think that would be exactly what he wouldn’t want!
I agree experience is a primary ingredient to this journey. I have experienced freedom, lovingkindness, and joy on a deep, personal level and all of those things I was trying to be don’t matter at all.
It is a wonderful, scary journey in letting go. I wouldn’t change it for the world!
Hi Jim,
You asked,’ what if we lived with that same confidence? Why don’t we’? Indeed, why don’t we?? I can only speak for myself, but after spending so many years growing up in the IC, I thought I NEEDED more than just following my Heart and opening myself up to the Holy Spirit. (After all, there were all those Bible study classes to attend, committees to sign up for, outreach teams to be a member of!) I just didn’t think it could be that simple! But, IMHO…it is that simple!
.
You also said,’…but even to this day i often wonder as i am conversing with others about “God” if we are talking about the same reality’. So true. I don’t feel like I’m talking about the same reality with my family members who are still steeped in the IC, yet they think I’m the one who’s ‘gone off the deep end’. If that’s true…I’ll take the deep end any day’. The liberation I’ve felt since ’shedding religion’ has helped make my spirit soar and connect me with others on a Heart level more than I ever imagined. But, I must acknowledge it’s been a process and at times the journey has taken me on twists and turns that I never expected. But through it all I’ve learned one gut-level truth…trust the process! And let go of the outcome! Trust that to the Father. No matter where we are on the path, He’s guiding our steps…even in the midst of confusion during the transition from religiosity to metanoia…the re-opening of the Heart to receive Him. That has helped me experience the ‘real’, regardless of other people’s expectations.
Peace!
[...] One of the interesting parts of my journey has been the initial isolation you feel when you begin the trek down a different path. The further I go down the path the more I come across others who are on the similar journeys. Today I discovered the blog of Jim Palmer. Just reading his current post, “you can’t get there from here (or can you)“, I found myself excited. One of the sentences that got me really excited was this one: i don’t feel the need to cling to the label “Christian,” and i am okay with people who don’t think i am one. [...]